Slip disc to understand child

I am back to my teenage with my slip disc. 

I know what I am doing, I know I am also doing something which is not conventional and I also know that few people have confidence in what I am doing and they are with me in my failure or success - my parents were like this and now I have Ratnesh and my kids like that :).

I also know many people are moving around me with lots of concern and care for me but not saying much as they “know me”. :)

Few thoughts

Your concerns are not helping me

Your advice is not helping me

I may be wrong, but your trust in me will help me to build relationship with you  - typically a child needs that (I think)

My further exploration to know my condition tells me that “slip disc” is not always “pain and bed rest”. And this also not something to ignore :)

I am constantly on my toe to know my condition. Its just that I am not doing it in conventional way :) and I am enjoying the various reactions – its part of my research. If I fail miserably will you have thought in your mind "I told you earlier also?"

Few questions to all people around me with a questions in their eyes

• Are you operating from your own beliefs?
• Will knowing about more the term “slip disc” will help you to understand me and my actions?
• Are your own experiences around you stopping you to understand my reaction and my thoughts?

 Take this purely as an exercise to understand the child and adult in you.

Thank God I have two slip disc

Hi all
My latest MRI scan shows two slip disc and condition of cervical spondolosis.

My acupressure Doctor of spine will give me two weeks systematic treatment and thereafter maintenance from my side. So I need two weeks vanvas in Bangalore - morning 2hrs and eve 2 hrs.

• O-campus - I propose to have session in GK for two weeks - I can take my session along with Namrata
• Construction - will need help of Prakash, Vishal and Rat to follow up for roof - once the roof is done we can take break and by the time my Vanvas will also get over.

Please do not ask me to slow down my work - my work is not responsible for my condition.  - Have faith and trust in me that I want better health and I am working on it. I may not work the way you would like me to work, or the way all my well-wishers look at me that I take care of health or not - well, this is similar to the conventional struggle between parent & child.

My doc is very pleasantly surprised me walking with two slip dics. He asked me with surprise "how did you manage all this". Well, you can look at it positively that I am determined, positive, capable or you can also look at it that I am ignoring my health. Yoga, meditation and strong desire to work is the my key to walk with two slip disc :-).

Conventionally it is very common to ask the patient to slow down and anlayze what causes this deterioration - I have experienecd when Asa had Jaundice and as a parent I did not ask her a single time to take care of her - just because I had FULL faith in her that she WANTS and CAPABLE to take care of herself. Intersrtingly the whole experience of Jaundice has opened up a lot of new chapters in our life to know body and diseases - so it was a memorable experience for me as a mother and I relished every moment, including Asa's struggle. My source of learning is Asawari..................................I have started looking at diseases in different perspective - even a fever or cold used to give me nightmare but Asa's jaundice has changed my perspective to look at diseases.

So finally I look at it as a good news that my spine needs my attention. I have been reading "I can heal my life" and I am on my journey to know myself - and the discovery is very relieving. I am thankful to my spine for allowing me to know myself.  I am excited - I am internally happy with this twist in my life and I am looking forward to this journey. Few years back Arthirits opened up Naturopathy and Yoga in my life and I am enriched with the benefits of both.

What you might have understood based on above may lead to some of you deciding not to say anything to me, while you would like to say. Or this will leave you confused "what I want?" Irrespective of what I have written - if you have the need or you think internally that you need to tell me to slow down, or tell me that I should not do work etc etc - go ahead and do that. It is better to speak than keeping in mind what you think/ feel about a situation. One way is to talk to others about me or other way is to talk to me and share what you think, and also try to understand why and how I think about this.

Well, I can talk about this in detail if you wish - for academic understanding of a child. For me everything leads to introspection of me as an adult and trying to understand child's perspective. So this is the reason why I am writing this email to you. Just to share and use this to develop my own understanding.

Thank you all for being with me and becoming a thought board for me :---)

Love and Hugs
Aditi

My role

During KAA – day one was fine – some kids took responsibility,  some did not, some were in exploring forest, some were in exploring friends…………..by the day two it became that “I will do if I feel like, I will listen if I feel like, I will do the work If I feel like  – I am on holiday”.

Well, a quick SOS meet was called – there was pin drop silence and I spoke for 7 minutes.

Life in KAA is tough – KAA is not picnic, holiday or friends trip. When you come to KAA, you come to work in group. You do not have choice: “I do not feel like, I will move around with my noval, while othersssssssssss will keep the luggage”. Faculty is not here to go behind you and remind you the objective – it has ONE clear objective “we have come here to experience forest” Lot of people have put in efforts to make it possible for you, we expect your involvement. We are fine if only two kids come for KAA next time, but all the kids who will come for KAA, have to come with understanding of  the objective.” For your picnic and friend need – use holidays and other occasions – KAA is is not for that.  There is  no free time, but there is lot of  freedom.

There was a silence after this speech…………………..

The one who were already into action – this speech did not made any difference, they were  on their path.

The one who were on the edge – got the clear message

The one who were not into the session and taking things for granted – got very very clear message.

This also clarified our approach to us – we are not in Aarohi to “serve” them or “pamper” them. They take responsibility of their behaviour, needs and goal, If they do not ------------- we need to shake them up – for this we need to be clear J

I think raising voice, expressing your anger to kids is not bad. But to carry that anger, connecting all previous events and also attacking their personality is where we loose our track. Keep it short, crisp and clear.

There is no point in getting agitated inside and not expressing.

There is no point in getting agitated and blaming others

But I find point in getting agitated and expressing CLEARLY.

During the silent walks to forest – some were in the beginning on their own trip – it was very clear that we are going for silent walk and this is constraint – we needed silence to listen to the forest. The one who were initially took this for granted were asked every time they were loosing track. After the first trek they got the message

We were firm

We were consistent

We were to the point (silence)

Our consistent approach, clear expectation made difference children who were on the edge, this also gave comfort to children who were focused on their goal, this gave  a clear message to kids that this is not the place for their own agendas.

As a faculty I come across tough, soft, demanding, with clear objective. One child expressed with a  big smile “kids who do not listen need a proper faculty like Aditi aunty, kids who listen can work with not so proper aunty like..........".

I personally think I am not in session to collect point for myself "how good and nice I am  and how popular I am or I can be ". I am here to ensure my sessions are safe, stimulating, challenging, understanding, learning and have freedom of expression. I am honest with children, I am observing and bringing necessary facilitation for kids. I shake up a child when needed, I show the mirror to the child when require, I am a support when the child needed, I am tough when it requires, I am soft when I am require - I cannot be one, I have to be flexible.

Today at O-campus, one child since yesterday is just not ready to listen, hurting others, putting down self, crying, not doing work in the session, screaming. after watching him for 1-1/2 day and few months, years - I decided to shake him up. Finally he was removed from the session - I told him I am consciously raising my voice, I am not angry, I am concern for him and thoughts about himself.

I raised my voice and asked him to "find his own objective of being here and find solution for his mental and behavioural state". he has been expressing " I am bad, noone likes to play with me, noone is my partner............I cannot do this.".

 After sitting silently for some time - he came to say " can you help me?"

He made a deatiled list (his beliefs) - what all I feel is I am bad................He then replaced with opposite............he wrote positive affirmation for himself................the journey continues with him.

Blogging this to share, Just in case if you think we do not say anything to children :)

What about child's ME?

Ratnesh was asked by a child to take her cycle to puncture shop at O-campus. Ratnesh decided to do by self and also share the experience with the child. Vishal joined Ratnesh - after some time the child was off leaving Ratnesh and Vishal to finish the work.

Well, I was in awe with exploration of cycle puncture – both the boys  tried various options, had detailed discussion about the puncture, spent a lot of time – I learnt how to explore and stay with something.

Well, the END left me thinking

At the end of the day the puncture was not done – the child was disappointed; she did not even think that you had put in efforts. I was left with half done job to address to the child’s need next time (me driving and getting the work done). I was also thinking what went wrong inspite of both spending time and efforts.

As a reflection I realized the learning and joy was theirs, the child’s ME was not addressed -:)( Did we miss to listen to the child’s need?

Would the combination would have been win win ?

Would the goal “cycle ready by the end of the day” would have been win win?

Would understand “the need” would have been win win?

Do we need win win?

Personally I have no issue with half done cycle - but sharing this as a faculty as this was an eye opener for me. Agenda of “exposure” took over the child’s agenda of “cycle repair so she could cycle next day”. She was also ready to take cycle by self to the repair shop or do anything to get cycle repair on a holiday.  The depth in which Rat and Vishal enjoyed the repair was truly inspiring for me but what about the child?

We forgot about the child somewhere :((

Was remembering a quote posted by Shivani “If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory? ~Robert Brault”

Just pondering

unique or known

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX1p78TOddk

Loved it

Wondering what gives us comfort to know “there is someone already like this?”

When I do something already done by others, convincing self and others is easy.

When I do something first time, convincing myself is not so easy, forget about others.

But the journey in second is much more enriching

I learn a lot

I think a lot

I absorb a lot

Many things which our kids do and are unique raise doubts inside us. I get this insight – thank you for sharing this insight.