Tool ?

Last week in training circle we had session on “tools”

We all spoke about the topic for 5 minutes and we grilled for 5 minutes by the audience.

Few points

What is effectiveness of tools?

Are tool meant to correct behaviour?

Do tools need to be tactile?

What is diff in tool and an activity

If tools are the way to correct behaviour – why adults are not using it?

……….the session was enriching…….left us with many thought provoking thoughts , we did not conclude the session with any thought…………..we only left thinking.

Next day in Aarohi, at O-campus introduced a process tool in the session last week

All get 3 tokens to scream, not listen to other”

Every time you speak/ respond gently, or listen to others – you earn one token

Every time to scream, not listen and ignore – you loose one token.

You decide when you loose and when you earn

Others can appeal if they think you loose one token, but final decision is yours

You keep track of your tokens

Kids used it

Kids earned, they lost and immediately earned

Kids spoke gently purposefully and earned 9 token sin 2 min (they informed, I spoke purposefully)

Kids kept record and any time no one was in negative counting – no one checked who has how many or how is one doing accounting

At the end of the day “kids were screaming”

After appeal of token they were speaking softly and again speak…….

By the end of the day I WAS SPEAKING GENTLY :)

I spoke thru out the day gently

I was aware of how I was speaking

I am still aware

It worked on me :)

I realise there is beauty in speaking gently and still convey the same message

So what is tool?

Did I want to correct the behaviour of class – then it did not serve the purpose, kids were still screaming

Did I introduce for me?

Kids were no so called honest – any time they had some token………they did not keep track of how many lost………not fair follow up of the counting…………..did this tool raised another issue of honesty?

Kids were happily loosing and earning tokens – so you may ask “what’s the use of this?”.

Will I all my life speak gently?
Will I all my life need the tool to speak gently?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm as a faculty in the class I know what it did to the group and me - I am not sharing that with you………..leaving you with your own exploration of “yeh tool kya hai and yeh kyon hai”.

We will continue the tool next week too.

Music and Listening

Three girls went to bath in O-campus. A part of door broke, water spilled outside, people waiting outside……………..

I sat with them, played instrumental music and asked them to think while listening to music “what goes in their mind?”

Here is what they said

I have to work my whole life, Its okay, whatever happens so I continue chatting.

Why should I do it?

I want to continue chatting

Few more kids

Not listening during the discussions

One took away 50 bandaids home

One cry and does not want to work

Kids shared

My favourite music goes in my mind

When I see nice things I want to take it (child calls is “robbing”)

I want to play

More I talk to them, listen to them “I enter into their silence”.

When I listen to them, I realized so much less I know and because I know less, I do not behave appropriately – So much we operate from “my” perspective (images, beliefs).

Well, use music to listen to them, play music, listen and stay with thoughts. Music helps me to listen, change frame of mind and look at them differently :).

Why I blog?

Here are my reasons “why I blog”?

By nature I am a person who likes to share information. I feel bad when I come to know that someone does not know the information I have, and I regret “Why I did not share”?

Well, I have the same reason I blog,

I like to share :)

I like to share what I think

I like to share what I experience

I like to share what I feel

I blog and I enjoy writing :)

Happy reading

Debit card company

I am personally excited with Amable’s journey and here comes the classic case of MONEY? Who gets how much? For me the whole concept is meditative.

Here is what Shilpi puts in his words

Our core philosophy that comes out in various forms is that we believe that every child is capable of achieving whatever he/she wants at his/her own pace. 

We wondered why we cannot extend this to grown ups. Not any grown ups. But grown ups in an organization. The conventional thought is that all of us are competing for a limited set of resources and hence it is in our benefit to get ahead of others in any which way we can. So in an organization that means that we are each vying for signing up more customers than our peers or finishing up a project quicker than our colleagues so as to eat a bigger portion of the bonus pie...often resulting in ill-will among the group.

We pondered if there is any other alternative to this compete-or-die culture.

There will be broadly two types of work at amable. Something that can be outsourced (mostly project based) - examples could be making of a DVD, supplying chairs, handing out flyers in an apartment etc.... Second is something that an amable team member is working on like creating posters, talking to parents or children for various programs, designing the website etc... First one is simple in the sense that we will work with various suppliers to get quotes & pay according to the work delivered. 

"Compensating" for the second type of work is interesting. We want to experiment with the concept of "I take as salary as much money as I feel I need" in short the ITASAMMAIFIN theory:) Or as Ratnesh puts it the ‘debit card company’. What does this mean? It means that I define my salary & take it. As simple as that! If I might need more money this month as I have a vacation in Goa planned, I just take it. Next month someone else might need an extra bit of cash for whatever reason. The point is that it is not necessarily correlated to either the results or the effort I put in. No one is measuring me on my results or effort. It is completely driven by MY needs. Very similar to what we keep preaching about how children learn:) Each of us gets a debit card & we can withdraw as much as we want/need. Obviously we can only withdraw as much as is available in the bank;) Similar to how a family operates!

Will this work? What if one person withdraws way too much? What will it do to the other team members? Wouldn't that leave them disgruntled? What if someone is too shy to ask for more? We do not have all the answers...we just have a belief. 

We do not have all the answers...we just have a belief.

A belief, a trust in each other and a yearning to learn from children - who so intuitively throw all conventional adult models to air.

Set me right or me set you right?

One of my friend who wanted to become a farmer shared this.

I thought I will bring changes, I know “All”, I am techy so I will bring revolution in village- they need my expertise. I have lot to give them and they need a lot from me”.

As he travelled his journey with villagers he realized that they do not need him or his expertise or …………..”their systems are set, they are as thoughtful as my technology is”.

He realized for him to bring HIM or his experience of technology he needs to understand THEM……………. Well he started learning milking the cow, what to grow when and how with them form them.

I took sabbatical for two years from Geniekids when Dhup was small –during that period Gk went thru financial crisis, and lots of ups and downs……………all evening walks with rat used to be on “what to do and how to do”.

Everything looked substandard to me……the centre set up, facilitation, designs, detailing, parent interaction, communication, efforts, commitments, planning……………. Well I joined back …….and joined with the frame of mind “I will set it right”.

So I began with "setting it right" and realized I need to first respect what is happening already, understand how it is happening and if require create value with my strengths.  Looking back it was not about substandard, it was about their journey which was evolving.

During the period while I realize I remember Girija and Rat coming back and asking “so this is what you are saying, so this is how we can do?..................... I thought I will set them right………....they set me right with their patience, listening, acceptance and humbleness.

Only to discover you

Many times I think “I was so happy home schooling my kids”…….why I ever thought of Aarohi? What made me to take this trouble on my head…….I scratch my head when I am disappointed…………..ah! why I am disappointed?

When I see kids in last few years walking with confidence in their thoughts……….I feel all the efforts are worth………………….why do I think its worth?

Dedicating this year to DISCOVER.....................read below
“Nothing you become will disappoint me; I have no preconception that I'd like to see you be or do. I have no desire to forsee you, only to discover you. You can't disappoint me” - Mary Haskell

I just loved this thought "only to discover you".  Thank you subha for sharing..............let me make all relationships "only to discover..................so no disappointments" :).

Shubha keeps talking about: unconditional love”. What is this unconditional love?

I keep hearing “I am doing this for my child/ren”. Is this thought itself is conditional?  

I am on holiday for past two days…………I announced “I have taken holidays for a week, I want to spend time together, I want to relax, I do not want to go to Wonderla for you but for me. I want to go for shopping for myself…………………..I realized this announcement was liberating for me, Rat and my kids too :)

I used to tell Asa/ Dhup “If you have to become something, you have to..............…” while I was free from conventional success patterns, I was still stuck at success in some forms…………..…I was so wrong, I was still creating images of “expectations”…………………And the result often was disappointment.

In past few years “discovering” has become prime agenda of my parenting/ facilitating…………….and there are no disappointments.

I realized when I have no images of “become something” my kids too have no image of my parenting too - we all are free from all disappointments. 

For me the meaning of education has changed from preparing the child for tomorrow to “discover”. Definition of duty as parent has changed from safety to "discover". 

Discover me, the child, the relationship................list is long. 

Am I safe for my children?

We were travelling in car with few kids. Kids were sharing about a child who has told them various stories about his father. To some he told that he consumed poison, to some he told he met with an accident, some he told he consumed poison and then became alive………………………….kids were sharing with each other “why he tells so many stories? God knows how many stories he has and how many fathers he has…………………….”.

One of the adult in the car asked with all the positive intentions “why do you think he tells all this, what are his needs?’

First there was a silence in the car, then phatak! One child said “you are not part of the discussion”................. Slowly the kids stories faded, they too changed the topic and we continued with our journey.

This reminded me of my own experience

In collage from the day one I was dating Ratnesh, I wanted to tell my elder brother. One of the days I shared a little with him how we told lies to parents and went for night coffee at 3am. Out of all his positive intention he said very gently to me “be careful, all this can be dangerous.....boys can take advantage”.

After that for four years I did not tell him anything about my relationship with Ratnesh, until the day I had to tell to get the permission to get marry :)

few days back, Asa went alone in auto to GK , she shared that she gave a lift to one stranger lady, I was quick enough to tell her “this can be dangerous”………………..

It was a dilemma for me to tell or not?  To tell at that time or talk about her views…………….well, we continued the discussion in very many different ways, she shared her views, I shared mine…….and at the left with “this may be just my apprehensions and few stories of strangers I have heard”. As usual Asa smiled :)

Now Asa tells me her 5^th std stories of school (4yrs old stories)– how she used to chat chat and chat and the teacher changed her seat or how they used to play games hiding below the bench ………………………….and many more.

Still when it comes to share stories of Aarohi – she with half apprehension in me, half confidence in me she tells, she waits and watch before she tells me more…………..

Dhup will come and say non-stop…………………sometimes he clearly says “I am not telling you what happened”.

Yet, to work on myself on making my presence SAFE for  my children.