Thank God I have two slip disc

Hi all
My latest MRI scan shows two slip disc and condition of cervical spondolosis.

My acupressure Doctor of spine will give me two weeks systematic treatment and thereafter maintenance from my side. So I need two weeks vanvas in Bangalore - morning 2hrs and eve 2 hrs.

• O-campus - I propose to have session in GK for two weeks - I can take my session along with Namrata
• Construction - will need help of Prakash, Vishal and Rat to follow up for roof - once the roof is done we can take break and by the time my Vanvas will also get over.

Please do not ask me to slow down my work - my work is not responsible for my condition.  - Have faith and trust in me that I want better health and I am working on it. I may not work the way you would like me to work, or the way all my well-wishers look at me that I take care of health or not - well, this is similar to the conventional struggle between parent & child.

My doc is very pleasantly surprised me walking with two slip dics. He asked me with surprise "how did you manage all this". Well, you can look at it positively that I am determined, positive, capable or you can also look at it that I am ignoring my health. Yoga, meditation and strong desire to work is the my key to walk with two slip disc :-).

Conventionally it is very common to ask the patient to slow down and anlayze what causes this deterioration - I have experienecd when Asa had Jaundice and as a parent I did not ask her a single time to take care of her - just because I had FULL faith in her that she WANTS and CAPABLE to take care of herself. Intersrtingly the whole experience of Jaundice has opened up a lot of new chapters in our life to know body and diseases - so it was a memorable experience for me as a mother and I relished every moment, including Asa's struggle. My source of learning is Asawari..................................I have started looking at diseases in different perspective - even a fever or cold used to give me nightmare but Asa's jaundice has changed my perspective to look at diseases.

So finally I look at it as a good news that my spine needs my attention. I have been reading "I can heal my life" and I am on my journey to know myself - and the discovery is very relieving. I am thankful to my spine for allowing me to know myself.  I am excited - I am internally happy with this twist in my life and I am looking forward to this journey. Few years back Arthirits opened up Naturopathy and Yoga in my life and I am enriched with the benefits of both.

What you might have understood based on above may lead to some of you deciding not to say anything to me, while you would like to say. Or this will leave you confused "what I want?" Irrespective of what I have written - if you have the need or you think internally that you need to tell me to slow down, or tell me that I should not do work etc etc - go ahead and do that. It is better to speak than keeping in mind what you think/ feel about a situation. One way is to talk to others about me or other way is to talk to me and share what you think, and also try to understand why and how I think about this.

Well, I can talk about this in detail if you wish - for academic understanding of a child. For me everything leads to introspection of me as an adult and trying to understand child's perspective. So this is the reason why I am writing this email to you. Just to share and use this to develop my own understanding.

Thank you all for being with me and becoming a thought board for me :---)

Love and Hugs
Aditi

My role

During KAA – day one was fine – some kids took responsibility,  some did not, some were in exploring forest, some were in exploring friends…………..by the day two it became that “I will do if I feel like, I will listen if I feel like, I will do the work If I feel like  – I am on holiday”.

Well, a quick SOS meet was called – there was pin drop silence and I spoke for 7 minutes.

Life in KAA is tough – KAA is not picnic, holiday or friends trip. When you come to KAA, you come to work in group. You do not have choice: “I do not feel like, I will move around with my noval, while othersssssssssss will keep the luggage”. Faculty is not here to go behind you and remind you the objective – it has ONE clear objective “we have come here to experience forest” Lot of people have put in efforts to make it possible for you, we expect your involvement. We are fine if only two kids come for KAA next time, but all the kids who will come for KAA, have to come with understanding of  the objective.” For your picnic and friend need – use holidays and other occasions – KAA is is not for that.  There is  no free time, but there is lot of  freedom.

There was a silence after this speech…………………..

The one who were already into action – this speech did not made any difference, they were  on their path.

The one who were on the edge – got the clear message

The one who were not into the session and taking things for granted – got very very clear message.

This also clarified our approach to us – we are not in Aarohi to “serve” them or “pamper” them. They take responsibility of their behaviour, needs and goal, If they do not ------------- we need to shake them up – for this we need to be clear J

I think raising voice, expressing your anger to kids is not bad. But to carry that anger, connecting all previous events and also attacking their personality is where we loose our track. Keep it short, crisp and clear.

There is no point in getting agitated inside and not expressing.

There is no point in getting agitated and blaming others

But I find point in getting agitated and expressing CLEARLY.

During the silent walks to forest – some were in the beginning on their own trip – it was very clear that we are going for silent walk and this is constraint – we needed silence to listen to the forest. The one who were initially took this for granted were asked every time they were loosing track. After the first trek they got the message

We were firm

We were consistent

We were to the point (silence)

Our consistent approach, clear expectation made difference children who were on the edge, this also gave comfort to children who were focused on their goal, this gave  a clear message to kids that this is not the place for their own agendas.

As a faculty I come across tough, soft, demanding, with clear objective. One child expressed with a  big smile “kids who do not listen need a proper faculty like Aditi aunty, kids who listen can work with not so proper aunty like..........".

I personally think I am not in session to collect point for myself "how good and nice I am  and how popular I am or I can be ". I am here to ensure my sessions are safe, stimulating, challenging, understanding, learning and have freedom of expression. I am honest with children, I am observing and bringing necessary facilitation for kids. I shake up a child when needed, I show the mirror to the child when require, I am a support when the child needed, I am tough when it requires, I am soft when I am require - I cannot be one, I have to be flexible.

Today at O-campus, one child since yesterday is just not ready to listen, hurting others, putting down self, crying, not doing work in the session, screaming. after watching him for 1-1/2 day and few months, years - I decided to shake him up. Finally he was removed from the session - I told him I am consciously raising my voice, I am not angry, I am concern for him and thoughts about himself.

I raised my voice and asked him to "find his own objective of being here and find solution for his mental and behavioural state". he has been expressing " I am bad, noone likes to play with me, noone is my partner............I cannot do this.".

 After sitting silently for some time - he came to say " can you help me?"

He made a deatiled list (his beliefs) - what all I feel is I am bad................He then replaced with opposite............he wrote positive affirmation for himself................the journey continues with him.

Blogging this to share, Just in case if you think we do not say anything to children :)

What about child's ME?

Ratnesh was asked by a child to take her cycle to puncture shop at O-campus. Ratnesh decided to do by self and also share the experience with the child. Vishal joined Ratnesh - after some time the child was off leaving Ratnesh and Vishal to finish the work.

Well, I was in awe with exploration of cycle puncture – both the boys  tried various options, had detailed discussion about the puncture, spent a lot of time – I learnt how to explore and stay with something.

Well, the END left me thinking

At the end of the day the puncture was not done – the child was disappointed; she did not even think that you had put in efforts. I was left with half done job to address to the child’s need next time (me driving and getting the work done). I was also thinking what went wrong inspite of both spending time and efforts.

As a reflection I realized the learning and joy was theirs, the child’s ME was not addressed -:)( Did we miss to listen to the child’s need?

Would the combination would have been win win ?

Would the goal “cycle ready by the end of the day” would have been win win?

Would understand “the need” would have been win win?

Do we need win win?

Personally I have no issue with half done cycle - but sharing this as a faculty as this was an eye opener for me. Agenda of “exposure” took over the child’s agenda of “cycle repair so she could cycle next day”. She was also ready to take cycle by self to the repair shop or do anything to get cycle repair on a holiday.  The depth in which Rat and Vishal enjoyed the repair was truly inspiring for me but what about the child?

We forgot about the child somewhere :((

Was remembering a quote posted by Shivani “If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory? ~Robert Brault”

Just pondering

unique or known

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX1p78TOddk

Loved it

Wondering what gives us comfort to know “there is someone already like this?”

When I do something already done by others, convincing self and others is easy.

When I do something first time, convincing myself is not so easy, forget about others.

But the journey in second is much more enriching

I learn a lot

I think a lot

I absorb a lot

Many things which our kids do and are unique raise doubts inside us. I get this insight – thank you for sharing this insight.

See me way or your way?

I have been on my journey with team at Geniekids on open communication and expressions, role of individual in a group or community (something we have not learnt in our childhood, jut we have been doing in our own way).

Well, just after the session I got a mail from Giri “Today u were missing from GP day :( I thought let u decide, but I think I should have expressed myself the need of faculty to be there”.

My first reaction was “I have been running between O-campus, doctors appointments. I was emotionally down with crisis in Aarohi community,………………down with my own health, I was suspecting heart attack coming to me (wild imaginations, cannot help)”. I had  to go for doctor appointment for my severe dental crisis hence it was fair on my part to be absent from the session” - See I have all the justification - do I sound justified for missing from GK day?

Inspite of my health I was present in Aarohi team meet and also team training, it is just that I was not part of GP day event. I even went up but just could not stand (imagination of heat attack) because I had not eaten (I miss my meals when I am mentally and emotionally down, and this lead to imaginations). - See I have all the peripheral things to prove my working intentions and my willingness to work and adjust:)

But me new Aditi looked at her intentions – "She was right, I should have been there. It just needed some adjustment with doctor inspite of many other factors”. It is not about attending or her expressing  - it is about ME - how do I look at various perspectives?

I am thankful to Giri to let me EXERCISE myself and feel good about me to be able to practice what I preach. I responded “my bad, should have been there, will be part of all events now onwards”. I had no other thoughts after I wrote this. 

I mean it – thanks Giri

Loving it.

My blogs are my stress reliever and bring some humour in my life when I look at it from different perspectives. So I like to write, I like to share and I like to smile. 

Anger and unmet needs

Anjal shared "

Violence in any form is a tragic expression of our unmet needs."
Marshall B. Rosenberg, from NVC (non violent communictaion)

Yes what the NVC says is true - When I am angry, I am angry for unmet needs of safety, rest, time, hunger, respect, care.......................................
This quote makes anger so beautiful to understand (for me). So when a child is angry, should I understand the unmet needs?


Two kids were fighting for the space and did not want to sleep next to each other, I asked what is your need - initially they started with "he pinches me in the night, he does not give me space................I kept on asking "what is your need?, they were looking at me, what need is she asking about? I gave the clue
"is your need to have safe sleep?"
He said YES and another quickly said "my need is to have more space"

and soon the whole group was trying to find the solution to fulfill the needs of both the kids. NO more blames, no more anger, no more pinching, no more blaming.

Adjustments were made (in the bargain I realized I got 1/4 of the bed: ---)

Is any kind of feeling (negative) is expression of "unmet needs?"
You are bad mummy - what is the unmet need?
He is fool? - what is the unmet need?

Self directed learning

We propgate self directed learning at Aarohi
We all at Geniekids learn thru consdueted sessions and training :(

So initited the "self directed learning".

Objective - to understand open and self driven learning in a group setting.

• All of us have done TTT - that were conducted classes :-(
• After TTT we have been attending meeting where agenda is fixed and focused.
• After TTT we have also been attending training sessions (on fridays last year and wed this year) which are also facilitated :-(
  
• We have not experienced TRUE open learning in a group setting.

How will it work
We will keep 5 continuous Wednesdays training sessions aside for this. The first four sessions we will be open sessions and 5th will be the reflection session.

1. Some random resources - reading (articles / book extracts) and viewing (videos) will be circulated in advance by any of the members who are to be part of the training. These will not be tied to any one topic - so any resource is fine. There will be no compulsion on anybody to go though the resources.
2. In the session the participants can do anything - they can talk, eat, sleep, argue, fight, sulk, laugh, dream, write, dance, browse internet, read alone or to all, play music, do drama - actually anything that anybody wants to do. So all could also be doing many different things at the same time.
   
3. The only commitment everybody who signs up for this training does is that we will ALL be inside the session for the all the Wednesdays. (if somebody is absent due to medical reasons that is fine)
4. You can bring in your own goal, agendas, readings, opinions, movies, bed, food, beliefs, music, games - whatever - to the session.
5. The mother code will apply - you cannot harm yourself, others and environment physically. You are however free to attack others emotionally and mentally.
6. You are free to exchange anything.
7. If after 4 sessions we all think 4 are not enough we can extend the number of open sessions to 5 or 6. However open sessions have to be followed by a reflection session.
8. The 5th (or last) session will be the reflective session - each one of us will present in a 5-10 minute window our experience, learning etc. Again up us what we share, how we share.

Notes from session one
My thoughts on today's session on Self Directed Learning.

I started with excitement
First ten minutes were nice, as the group was settling, finding space to began...........
Then the frustrations started - there was anger, anxiety, feeling of waste of time.........urge to leave for home in the middle of the session and thought of better spend time with my ailing daughter or finish my work.

But to have faith in the the process - I stayed.
Slowly the group unfolded
Looking forward to the next session.

I was personally uncomfortable with the actions "started reading or doing self work".
I was fine with "silence".
I was fine with discomfort of few "why nothing is happening".
I was fine with efforts of people to do something or "initiate the conversation in many ways".

I am initiating the expression as a part of the process. I am also initiating the thoughts about self, about others, about journey.  My expression are not to establish wrong or right, dos and don'ts - they are just HONEST expressions, Normally I do not share these expressions and take it as acceptance of all the actions, But to be true to the process and honesty of the expressions, I allowed myself to be true to myself (no violence to me) and let all emotion flow with my awareness.


Consciously me and Ratnesh decided to not to lead - hence did not initiate the reflection in the session "what each one of us had the responsibility in the process". Just to clarify the sessions are not on learning but in "group, community, responsibility, expression............... a long mail in circulation earlier".