TV and visual media

Hmmm TV and its use

Few weeks back, I watched “Fashion movie” with a 14 and 9 yr old girl – I was glued to the movie as much they were – in the middle of the movie we were wondering “can drugs really kill your senses?” “Why will someone like do that”? “Is she aware of what she is doing?” Recently I saw “Amadus Mozart” with my daughter and we could discuss the movie for hours………………including his filthy language (Mozart telling his girl friend “tae ym this - eat my shit”).

 I find it difficult to watch Chota Bheem and Spider man beyond one time, while my son can watch for many many times – I am trying to understand what does one need to be able to watch Chota bheem for 13 times – I am on my journey with my son.

I like advertisement – mostly kids at O-campus or at my home update me with the advertisements – they also explain to me with their thoughts. We also ponder “does someone really become tall or wise with any Bournvita or Horlicks and we also survey the children who drink these additives in their milk and are not tall ……….or the one who do not eat and are tall or in spite of fairness cream one is still dark or how can the skin color make to talk on the stage or what is difference in silk and plain Cadbury – is or worth the cost difference and what are the other alternatives or how one can think of a lines which are so close to hearts “hare k friend are (Airtel)………….the list is long.

The TOPICS and the curiosity which these advertisements generate – I could not have discussed without these visual aids? J

I like acting like chota Bheem or spider man or Dora – Its just that I am not able to and kids find my efforts futile and funny.

Yes I see a tremendous learning value in TV – it is not the TV but we need to change the way we look at TV. My daughter is into "Hannah Montana" - she has read all her books, watched various episodes of the play. movie etc etc - The pleasure, the thoughts, the inspiration she drives is worth watching :). My son is into Chota Bheem  - the details, the fun, the passion, the expressions, the narrations...........he shares are worth enjoying watching with him.

 Addiction to TV  - hmmm a very important topic.

In my opinion child watches TV endlessly in the absence of other interesting things to do, when I used to feel bored, I used to flip channels endlessly, sometimes even for 2hiurs and at the end crib “nothing interesting – its waste of time”. Do you also do?

I have found many other things to do :) now I do not flip channels. I watch TV with kids for my interest (understand children and their needs). I still do not find TV to be useful for me, but I do watch good movies to know about history, people, relationship, thoughts………………something which I cannot read always in three hours.

Personally I feel – what has missed in the process is the doing part or this media and use of it to -

Keep the child inactive OR Feed the food OR Kill time OR Keep some silence in the house OR I get some time, while child is busy watching TV ......and the list is long.

 I find all VISUAL media appealing and effective as a learning tool

• It can tell you something in one second
• It can make you feel what you cannot read
• It can show you something you cannot imagine

As an educator I find all kinds of animations very creative – the stories, the animation, the impossible actions………….list is long.

ENJOY watching.

Value of money

Money - Sharing our journey.

Our children expressed the need of pocket money two years back – and we came up with a  figure of Rs 500/- per month. How we reached this figure – I do not remember, but probably my son was exploring the numbers of hundred's and 500 looked a lot to him to satisfy his needs.

The need for pocket money came when visits to the market started becoming painful. Every visit our son came back unsatisfied, we came back concerned. He would want to buy many things, we would take the decision for him, that too mostly inconsistent - sometimes we would say yes, sometimes no.

Since we were taking decision based on our perspective – we decided to remove ourselves from this status of authority and let him decide how he wants to spend. Asawari, our daughter, did not show any need of pocket money. “I have everything" was the usual response and but anyways she liked spending this money on her novels. Which probably as parents we were more appreciative off - after all she was buying books (even if they were novels).

Well, first few months were exciting. Even over draft was allowed. But soon I was questioning, “why pocket money for kids only – while I have no restriction for what I can buy, why my kids have that constraint?”
Were the belief “I am responsible and they are not? I understand the value of money and they do not? I will not spend on unnecessary things and they will?”

Well, when I introspected, I realized I too as an adult fall under all of these categories – there are many things in my cupboard I bought on impulse, there are many things which I bought and am not using now, many which i already had enough.

I did not like the idea of this imbalance. I shared with family - my kids still wanted to continue with pocket money as they felt this was their money. I objected, what is my money and what is their money?

Soon the boundaries of pocket money were broken – we all are free to buy what we want. We all are free to question each other WHY we want to buy? We all are free to still go ahead and buy “just like that” . We all are still free to comment on each other “this was expensive.” Now this definition of expensive is different for different members in the family. To go for a drumming program and drive 25kms did not look like waste of money, while going to a restaurant which is 15kms far to eat looked like waste of petrol. So we started to question ourselves.

Dhrupad, our son likes money, he likes to spend and he likes to buy things just like that. I used to like buying, now I do not. Asawari does not buy, but if you buy for her she is happy. Ratnesh, my husband does not buy at all. So we have wide variety at home and we enjoy each others' choices.

So the question still remains “how do we develop sense of money in our children"? The answer is simple – by making them EXPERIENCE :)

We started giving our purse freely to our children, when they go to buy any stuff. They take care :). Them losing money or the purse itself is same as us losing it.

Now they even do bargaining. Once in Aarohi kids were calculating the cost of JCB digger to make play ground. Dhrupad calculated and and acceptable rate was Rs 750/-per hour. When they went to finalize the digger, the driver said ”Rs 700/- per hour. Kids insisted that it should be Rs 750/- (because we did calculation @ Rs 750/-per hour).

We went to Goa on holiday and gave children all the money asked them to keep the trip accounts and make all payments and purchases. We thought they will be excited to have free access to money and spend the way they wanted, but they were apprehensive “what If we lose money?”

Interesting, to know kids are equally concerned about money.

So here is what we recommend based on our experience: create opportunities for your child to handle money

• Allow your child to lose money (we all become more prudent after we lose our purse).
• Make your child decision maker in the home “let the child decide who needs shoes, and who needs sunglasses – this makes them THINK and experience money in real sense.
• Compare various cost, do analysis. We saw a t-shirt in Reebok for Rs 2000/- and the similar on road side for Rs 100/- - Dhrupad was amazed to calculate that he can buy the 20 t-shirts in the same money. He made plans - who all I can gift those extra t-shirts.
• Yes, allow your child to plan gifts for others and self also :)
• Enjoy the play of MONEY at home.

Every child is work in progress

Someone shared "during live station kids wanted to show "how is my drawing".
I experienced the same sometime inside me when kids show competition, eagerness to be praised
In my workshops also people ask "I do not do, but  my child compares".

Well,
At Aarohi the child is experiencing "self praise, cooperation etc".
Outside child may be experiencing "praise, comparison, etc ete

So what is OUR role?
I think our role is PURELY to EXPOSE the child to various aspects.
I also believe that our role is to present various ASPECTS of one thought and break my beliefs (thinking that competition is harmful is also my rigid belief).
I also wish that we make my role as a catalyst but not act as a chemical to being any changes in the way the child is.

So nothing is wrong or right
nothing is perfect
Its all EXPOSURE and THINKING.

Also the child asking for a praise in no indication of anything (low or high self esteem) - but the way I react to that makes a difference in the way the child think about self. So while I do not play a role in WHAT the child thinks, I do play a role in HOW I make child feel and think.

This is my own realization when I REACT to my own child who shows "I want to win, I want to compete, I am better than others, I want to be best". I have started looking at his expressions as HIS NEEDS. I do not want to change him as per my thoughts (compassion, co-operation...........etc etc). So while I know what happens when I work with co-operation, I also know that If  a child like competition and If he is asked to be co-operative it is equally harmful in making of a person. Believe in competition OR co-operation will build with child's own experience (WIP) but how I make child believe in himself is making foundation for a child feels about self NOW.
So what is my role?

• To make child feel low about self because the child is looking for a praise?
• Or accept the child what he think/ believe/needs?
• and/ or explore various aspects of one thought and allow the child to construct own understanding?

We, as adult also need to accept that EACH child is Work In Progress - and it will be too soon to judge any child by his current thinking or believes. While, every adult is work done.
I hope I am making some sense. I am learning with chidlren EVERYDAY, I am AMABLE!

Will you be with your child?

All we need is to ACCEPT our children  - We are constantly busy in creating "future". No matter what you do or not do for your children, they will lead a happy life. Will they live the happy life with YOU depends on how much you ACCEPT them NOW?
If your child is ugly, she will become beautiful tomorrow.
If your child is stupid, she will be intelligent tomorrow.
If your child is failing, she will succeed tomorrow.

Everything will happen - but what will be your PLACE in your child's life?  Will your child be WITH YOU or will say "my parents never accepted me for my ...........................? They always wanted me to...................".

Does this gives you goosebumps?

How to Work With Someone You Don't Like

A part of the article below

And being compassionate with yourself is the key to being compassionate with others. Before you know it, you’ll actually begin to like people you never liked before. Maybe you’ll even feel like helping them run those meeting more productively.

My thoughts – Its impossible unless you change or be aware of your beliefs-:. In my journey with people – I used to be “I don’t like and I cannot work with that person or that kind of work (like accounts)”.

As I travelled my journey – I find myself “liking everyone around me”.  Its not that I approve of everyone or the work around me but I donot dislike anyone or work. Ratnesh have been “fine with everyone”. This itself was a positive environment around me - unconsciously looking for gold in his attitude helped.

Being aware of myself has made a lot of difference – I have not necessarily changed all the beliefs :)

Ah! Acceptance has been a BIG bonus for me.

And how do I accept? – By becoming aware of my beliefs and changing them if require. :)

Read the article below

How to Work With Someone You Don't Like

How do you work with someone you don't like? The old adage, "grin and bear it", is almost impossible to do. In this article Peter Bregman describes an alternative strategy that is centred on self-reflection, self-awareness, and compassion... ultimately transforming dislike to like. { read more }

Be The Change

In your next encounter working with someone you have challenges with, pause and consider experimenting with the exercise outlined in the article.

Is this empowerment

Is this empowerment?

On Saturday I went through a small dental surgery. The team of doctors had briefed me what all does this involves, gave me all the information I needed.

On the day of Surgery doc asked me “did you loose your sleep?”

I sad, “no”

Another doc asked “are you nervous”, I said, I am not, my daughter is (Asa expressed, I am feeling scared for you).

During the surgery doc kept on briefing me what he is doing, clicked my pictures for his documentation, showed me pictures when I asked for it (it was ghory).

At times I was smiling, I was crying (foot foot kar), I was dancing on the chair with pain………………..He insisted “keep breathing”, he explained why? He insisted me to keep my eyes open, he explained me why ………..Whatever he wanted to me to do, he explained……………..at times he was firm with me and asking me to check “is it really pain, or nervousness or just a sensation?”.

It was 1-1/2 hrs process – not a single time he denied my feelings, or pain. He continued with his process, acknowledging what I am going thru, sometimes stopped and made me realized to connect with myself. He did not do any extra bit to comfort me ………………rather kept on informing with the situation at every step.

There was no putting down, no comparison, no expectations………………I enjoyed every moment with all my pain,

When I connected with my self I realized “I was nervous, I was even shocked with the whole process”.   He allowed me to express. He listened. He also continued with his work with faith in my capabilities to be able to bear all this.

Back home I was still shocked with the whole process, (Now, I lost my sleep to remember that whole process and the feeling of stitches in my mouth) I was concerned for the future healing of stitches etc – kids first were concerned and silent seeing my swollen face, and Rat cracked a joke “mummy has 3 choices to eat – Ice cream and Ice cream and ice-cream (all know how much  hate ice-cream after my accident). After this kids were fine, speaking in detail what all happened, saw my pictures (laughing as well as ghory opened gums)  - They talked, expressed and just be with me.

Is this empowerment? Doctor did not do anything extra to make me feel empowered, but the whole process was empowering “I was in my control”.

I was just thinking that because I am aware of all these things – did I feel empowered?

• I have faith in the doctor and was and is ready for anything to go wrong.
• I was listening to him and connecting with his intentions rather than finding faults at him or expecting him to give me painless surgery?

Does it makes sense how does the receiver takes the empowerment?

And when I am working with kids or trainees – does it makes senses what all are aware about being empowered?

If the receiver makes images – does my empowerment works?

If the receiver takes push as absence of help – does my empowerment works?

If the receiver wants sympathies – will my empowerment work?

Is empowerment is something in my hand?

Is empowerment is something I can make someone feel?

Is empowerment also means to be able to understand other and accept others the way they are?

…………………………………loads of thoughts in my QUEST to find what is empowerment and what is MY ROLE?