Conflict and my relationship

What happens when two strong personalities meet – conflict!!!

Me and Ratnesh have our own thoughts on various aspects of life, learning and working. We fight a lot, we fight in public, we fight in private, we fight in front of kids, we fight in meetings, we fight after meetings,……………we fight for a small issue, we fight for bigger issues, we fight for days, we fight for few minutes.

And still we are in love with each other.

We are huge fans of each other.

We respect each other for what we are

And We enjoy each other

Yes!!! We are couple.

After fighting for 25yrs on various topics we both have discovered that we both are strong and intense in what we feel, do!!! And we both have come to a happy understanding “accept each other’s strong behaviour and not wish to change”:). Ratnesh says “I will continue to bug you and bug you more, I will continue to not listen to you, I will continue to work the way I have been working, I will continue to not care for you……………….” And you continue to keep demanding :).

The life after this realization is beautiful :). No more his actions feel bugging (including his 25yrs old sleepers), his behaviour no more seems to me “uncaring”. Everything looks normal, natural and acceptable. He is he and I Am me and that all!!!

When we have conflict, we respond in our own way  - he makes images about me, I make images about him………………we both talk, go in silence…………come back and talk more……………..What has changed is that those images no more bother us. It is all about acceptance without being judgemental about each other’s behaviour.

There were times in life when I wanted to divorce (almost once in a month) – It was a escaping mechanism for me. Runaway in the name of “you will never understand me”.  I can laugh at me now!!! Million times I must have told him “I am done with you and no more want to have any relationship with you”.

The trick was not in running away but to know myself. The journey of conflicts with Ratnesh has given me many hidden perspective about myself and I am happy to accept myself with all my negatives and positives – you know I am ME and that all.  It was challenging :)

My 14yr old daughter is doing research on “marriage and relationships” She shared “I read that if you do not fight, there is something wrong”. She is the one who have accepted us fighting :). 

She never wished for us to live in harmony. She says “its okay to fight”. She questioned me “Ma, its futile to wish that in community all will positive for each other, people will not fight. And your wish that community should have harmony is also futile – all new people will bring their own positive and negatives in the community, we have to just accept all”.

Yes I love CONFLICTS!!!  Yes so true what Asawari said “if you do not fight, there is something wrong”.

Did I fight with you TODAY!!!, If not, lets fight.

Did I demand from you TODAY!!! If not let me ask.

Did I say to you “you are horrible?”

Did I express “you hurt my emotions”?

Did I tell about you “you are very rigid and its difficult to talk to you”.

Did I share with you “you are operating from your beliefs”?

If yes!!! Then,  I am in love with you, I am your fan, I respect you.

If no!!! Then also,  I am in love with you, I am your fan, I respect you.