right or wrong

Many times we get trapped in "correct and wrong". We ask question to check the understanding, many times may be putting down the child when the responses are not as per our expectations.

Key processing questions (KPQ)  saves the adults from getting into the trap of right and wrong. We are conditioned to find right and wrong in maths, science and language.

I read the activity below and I saw a lot of potential to stimulate the child for various concept, think from various perspectives as well danger of killing it with the child getting into the trap of right process of doing the activity, drawing the bar chart etc etc.

ACTIVITY - LOGIC: Make three columns in your notebook. Name each column as "small", "medium" and "big". As the vehicles pass by you, put a dot in the respective column according to size of the vehicle and after 5 minutes count the total in each column.  

Some examples of KPQ for the above activity are below - initially ask questions to CONNECT with the child (not to discard the efforts), then ask questions which allows the child to think in different perspectives (avoid expecting answers or start judging the child or the answer). In some places you may share "I do like this" and ask child to teach his style. .Below are some examples -
You may ask more questions, not to teach but to learn form the child his perspective).

How do you normally count?
• So, what according to you is big and small?
What if medium is bigger than big?
• How big is big?
How else can you count?
Why do you count?
What else can you do to know to the total number of vehicles?

What else can you do with this data?
Do you see any patterns in the vehicles counting?
What if you cannot use fingers to count?

Open for more discussion on the above.

me and self genie

Some random thoughts

Often interpersonal Intelligence is confused with “emotional intelligence’ and often it stops at feelings. For me this intelligence about ME and me is not only emotions.  

• If I know what makes me follow or not my goal?

• If I know myself what makes my ethical values?
• If I know what I am?
• IF I know how I work, how I work independently, even though I am part of a team?
• If  I know what I think about life?
• If I know what do I need to work on my personal growth, and what is personal growth for me?
• If I know other humans and various perspectives
• If I can interospct
• If I can EMPOWER others

How does one develop all this in children? I will say began with you.
Goals – Set goals and know your own journey.
Ethical values – You know what is ethical and what is not –  You may tell lie to your child, neighbour or boss and its perfectly fine with you. Know yourself what makes it fine for you? You donot have to justify what you think – just know yourself why it is fine and not fine with you.
Introspect – Does the introspection make you feel bad about yourself? Do you avoid introspection and confrontation with yourself ? Know yourself - what makes you run away and do you accept yourself for what you are? Remember there is difference between accepting and justify,
Empower others – Yes, shift power from you to others. Is it difficult for you to accept your child’s ideas? What makes you to follow or not follow your child or others? Know yourself.
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"—Oliver Wendell Homes

TV and visual media

Hmmm TV and its use

Few weeks back, I watched “Fashion movie” with a 14 and 9 yr old girl – I was glued to the movie as much they were – in the middle of the movie we were wondering “can drugs really kill your senses?” “Why will someone like do that”? “Is she aware of what she is doing?” Recently I saw “Amadus Mozart” with my daughter and we could discuss the movie for hours………………including his filthy language (Mozart telling his girl friend “tae ym this - eat my shit”).

 I find it difficult to watch Chota Bheem and Spider man beyond one time, while my son can watch for many many times – I am trying to understand what does one need to be able to watch Chota bheem for 13 times – I am on my journey with my son.

I like advertisement – mostly kids at O-campus or at my home update me with the advertisements – they also explain to me with their thoughts. We also ponder “does someone really become tall or wise with any Bournvita or Horlicks and we also survey the children who drink these additives in their milk and are not tall ……….or the one who do not eat and are tall or in spite of fairness cream one is still dark or how can the skin color make to talk on the stage or what is difference in silk and plain Cadbury – is or worth the cost difference and what are the other alternatives or how one can think of a lines which are so close to hearts “hare k friend are (Airtel)………….the list is long.

The TOPICS and the curiosity which these advertisements generate – I could not have discussed without these visual aids? J

I like acting like chota Bheem or spider man or Dora – Its just that I am not able to and kids find my efforts futile and funny.

Yes I see a tremendous learning value in TV – it is not the TV but we need to change the way we look at TV. My daughter is into "Hannah Montana" - she has read all her books, watched various episodes of the play. movie etc etc - The pleasure, the thoughts, the inspiration she drives is worth watching :). My son is into Chota Bheem  - the details, the fun, the passion, the expressions, the narrations...........he shares are worth enjoying watching with him.

 Addiction to TV  - hmmm a very important topic.

In my opinion child watches TV endlessly in the absence of other interesting things to do, when I used to feel bored, I used to flip channels endlessly, sometimes even for 2hiurs and at the end crib “nothing interesting – its waste of time”. Do you also do?

I have found many other things to do :) now I do not flip channels. I watch TV with kids for my interest (understand children and their needs). I still do not find TV to be useful for me, but I do watch good movies to know about history, people, relationship, thoughts………………something which I cannot read always in three hours.

Personally I feel – what has missed in the process is the doing part or this media and use of it to -

Keep the child inactive OR Feed the food OR Kill time OR Keep some silence in the house OR I get some time, while child is busy watching TV ......and the list is long.

 I find all VISUAL media appealing and effective as a learning tool

• It can tell you something in one second
• It can make you feel what you cannot read
• It can show you something you cannot imagine

As an educator I find all kinds of animations very creative – the stories, the animation, the impossible actions………….list is long.

ENJOY watching.

Value of money

Money - Sharing our journey.

Our children expressed the need of pocket money two years back – and we came up with a  figure of Rs 500/- per month. How we reached this figure – I do not remember, but probably my son was exploring the numbers of hundred's and 500 looked a lot to him to satisfy his needs.

The need for pocket money came when visits to the market started becoming painful. Every visit our son came back unsatisfied, we came back concerned. He would want to buy many things, we would take the decision for him, that too mostly inconsistent - sometimes we would say yes, sometimes no.

Since we were taking decision based on our perspective – we decided to remove ourselves from this status of authority and let him decide how he wants to spend. Asawari, our daughter, did not show any need of pocket money. “I have everything" was the usual response and but anyways she liked spending this money on her novels. Which probably as parents we were more appreciative off - after all she was buying books (even if they were novels).

Well, first few months were exciting. Even over draft was allowed. But soon I was questioning, “why pocket money for kids only – while I have no restriction for what I can buy, why my kids have that constraint?”
Were the belief “I am responsible and they are not? I understand the value of money and they do not? I will not spend on unnecessary things and they will?”

Well, when I introspected, I realized I too as an adult fall under all of these categories – there are many things in my cupboard I bought on impulse, there are many things which I bought and am not using now, many which i already had enough.

I did not like the idea of this imbalance. I shared with family - my kids still wanted to continue with pocket money as they felt this was their money. I objected, what is my money and what is their money?

Soon the boundaries of pocket money were broken – we all are free to buy what we want. We all are free to question each other WHY we want to buy? We all are free to still go ahead and buy “just like that” . We all are still free to comment on each other “this was expensive.” Now this definition of expensive is different for different members in the family. To go for a drumming program and drive 25kms did not look like waste of money, while going to a restaurant which is 15kms far to eat looked like waste of petrol. So we started to question ourselves.

Dhrupad, our son likes money, he likes to spend and he likes to buy things just like that. I used to like buying, now I do not. Asawari does not buy, but if you buy for her she is happy. Ratnesh, my husband does not buy at all. So we have wide variety at home and we enjoy each others' choices.

So the question still remains “how do we develop sense of money in our children"? The answer is simple – by making them EXPERIENCE :)

We started giving our purse freely to our children, when they go to buy any stuff. They take care :). Them losing money or the purse itself is same as us losing it.

Now they even do bargaining. Once in Aarohi kids were calculating the cost of JCB digger to make play ground. Dhrupad calculated and and acceptable rate was Rs 750/-per hour. When they went to finalize the digger, the driver said ”Rs 700/- per hour. Kids insisted that it should be Rs 750/- (because we did calculation @ Rs 750/-per hour).

We went to Goa on holiday and gave children all the money asked them to keep the trip accounts and make all payments and purchases. We thought they will be excited to have free access to money and spend the way they wanted, but they were apprehensive “what If we lose money?”

Interesting, to know kids are equally concerned about money.

So here is what we recommend based on our experience: create opportunities for your child to handle money

• Allow your child to lose money (we all become more prudent after we lose our purse).
• Make your child decision maker in the home “let the child decide who needs shoes, and who needs sunglasses – this makes them THINK and experience money in real sense.
• Compare various cost, do analysis. We saw a t-shirt in Reebok for Rs 2000/- and the similar on road side for Rs 100/- - Dhrupad was amazed to calculate that he can buy the 20 t-shirts in the same money. He made plans - who all I can gift those extra t-shirts.
• Yes, allow your child to plan gifts for others and self also :)
• Enjoy the play of MONEY at home.

Every child is work in progress

Someone shared "during live station kids wanted to show "how is my drawing".
I experienced the same sometime inside me when kids show competition, eagerness to be praised
In my workshops also people ask "I do not do, but  my child compares".

Well,
At Aarohi the child is experiencing "self praise, cooperation etc".
Outside child may be experiencing "praise, comparison, etc ete

So what is OUR role?
I think our role is PURELY to EXPOSE the child to various aspects.
I also believe that our role is to present various ASPECTS of one thought and break my beliefs (thinking that competition is harmful is also my rigid belief).
I also wish that we make my role as a catalyst but not act as a chemical to being any changes in the way the child is.

So nothing is wrong or right
nothing is perfect
Its all EXPOSURE and THINKING.

Also the child asking for a praise in no indication of anything (low or high self esteem) - but the way I react to that makes a difference in the way the child think about self. So while I do not play a role in WHAT the child thinks, I do play a role in HOW I make child feel and think.

This is my own realization when I REACT to my own child who shows "I want to win, I want to compete, I am better than others, I want to be best". I have started looking at his expressions as HIS NEEDS. I do not want to change him as per my thoughts (compassion, co-operation...........etc etc). So while I know what happens when I work with co-operation, I also know that If  a child like competition and If he is asked to be co-operative it is equally harmful in making of a person. Believe in competition OR co-operation will build with child's own experience (WIP) but how I make child believe in himself is making foundation for a child feels about self NOW.
So what is my role?

• To make child feel low about self because the child is looking for a praise?
• Or accept the child what he think/ believe/needs?
• and/ or explore various aspects of one thought and allow the child to construct own understanding?

We, as adult also need to accept that EACH child is Work In Progress - and it will be too soon to judge any child by his current thinking or believes. While, every adult is work done.
I hope I am making some sense. I am learning with chidlren EVERYDAY, I am AMABLE!