Value of money

Money - Sharing our journey.

Our children expressed the need of pocket money two years back – and we came up with a  figure of Rs 500/- per month. How we reached this figure – I do not remember, but probably my son was exploring the numbers of hundred's and 500 looked a lot to him to satisfy his needs.

The need for pocket money came when visits to the market started becoming painful. Every visit our son came back unsatisfied, we came back concerned. He would want to buy many things, we would take the decision for him, that too mostly inconsistent - sometimes we would say yes, sometimes no.

Since we were taking decision based on our perspective – we decided to remove ourselves from this status of authority and let him decide how he wants to spend. Asawari, our daughter, did not show any need of pocket money. “I have everything" was the usual response and but anyways she liked spending this money on her novels. Which probably as parents we were more appreciative off - after all she was buying books (even if they were novels).

Well, first few months were exciting. Even over draft was allowed. But soon I was questioning, “why pocket money for kids only – while I have no restriction for what I can buy, why my kids have that constraint?”
Were the belief “I am responsible and they are not? I understand the value of money and they do not? I will not spend on unnecessary things and they will?”

Well, when I introspected, I realized I too as an adult fall under all of these categories – there are many things in my cupboard I bought on impulse, there are many things which I bought and am not using now, many which i already had enough.

I did not like the idea of this imbalance. I shared with family - my kids still wanted to continue with pocket money as they felt this was their money. I objected, what is my money and what is their money?

Soon the boundaries of pocket money were broken – we all are free to buy what we want. We all are free to question each other WHY we want to buy? We all are free to still go ahead and buy “just like that” . We all are still free to comment on each other “this was expensive.” Now this definition of expensive is different for different members in the family. To go for a drumming program and drive 25kms did not look like waste of money, while going to a restaurant which is 15kms far to eat looked like waste of petrol. So we started to question ourselves.

Dhrupad, our son likes money, he likes to spend and he likes to buy things just like that. I used to like buying, now I do not. Asawari does not buy, but if you buy for her she is happy. Ratnesh, my husband does not buy at all. So we have wide variety at home and we enjoy each others' choices.

So the question still remains “how do we develop sense of money in our children"? The answer is simple – by making them EXPERIENCE :)

We started giving our purse freely to our children, when they go to buy any stuff. They take care :). Them losing money or the purse itself is same as us losing it.

Now they even do bargaining. Once in Aarohi kids were calculating the cost of JCB digger to make play ground. Dhrupad calculated and and acceptable rate was Rs 750/-per hour. When they went to finalize the digger, the driver said ”Rs 700/- per hour. Kids insisted that it should be Rs 750/- (because we did calculation @ Rs 750/-per hour).

We went to Goa on holiday and gave children all the money asked them to keep the trip accounts and make all payments and purchases. We thought they will be excited to have free access to money and spend the way they wanted, but they were apprehensive “what If we lose money?”

Interesting, to know kids are equally concerned about money.

So here is what we recommend based on our experience: create opportunities for your child to handle money

• Allow your child to lose money (we all become more prudent after we lose our purse).
• Make your child decision maker in the home “let the child decide who needs shoes, and who needs sunglasses – this makes them THINK and experience money in real sense.
• Compare various cost, do analysis. We saw a t-shirt in Reebok for Rs 2000/- and the similar on road side for Rs 100/- - Dhrupad was amazed to calculate that he can buy the 20 t-shirts in the same money. He made plans - who all I can gift those extra t-shirts.
• Yes, allow your child to plan gifts for others and self also :)
• Enjoy the play of MONEY at home.

Every child is work in progress

Someone shared "during live station kids wanted to show "how is my drawing".
I experienced the same sometime inside me when kids show competition, eagerness to be praised
In my workshops also people ask "I do not do, but  my child compares".

Well,
At Aarohi the child is experiencing "self praise, cooperation etc".
Outside child may be experiencing "praise, comparison, etc ete

So what is OUR role?
I think our role is PURELY to EXPOSE the child to various aspects.
I also believe that our role is to present various ASPECTS of one thought and break my beliefs (thinking that competition is harmful is also my rigid belief).
I also wish that we make my role as a catalyst but not act as a chemical to being any changes in the way the child is.

So nothing is wrong or right
nothing is perfect
Its all EXPOSURE and THINKING.

Also the child asking for a praise in no indication of anything (low or high self esteem) - but the way I react to that makes a difference in the way the child think about self. So while I do not play a role in WHAT the child thinks, I do play a role in HOW I make child feel and think.

This is my own realization when I REACT to my own child who shows "I want to win, I want to compete, I am better than others, I want to be best". I have started looking at his expressions as HIS NEEDS. I do not want to change him as per my thoughts (compassion, co-operation...........etc etc). So while I know what happens when I work with co-operation, I also know that If  a child like competition and If he is asked to be co-operative it is equally harmful in making of a person. Believe in competition OR co-operation will build with child's own experience (WIP) but how I make child believe in himself is making foundation for a child feels about self NOW.
So what is my role?

• To make child feel low about self because the child is looking for a praise?
• Or accept the child what he think/ believe/needs?
• and/ or explore various aspects of one thought and allow the child to construct own understanding?

We, as adult also need to accept that EACH child is Work In Progress - and it will be too soon to judge any child by his current thinking or believes. While, every adult is work done.
I hope I am making some sense. I am learning with chidlren EVERYDAY, I am AMABLE!