Camera for learning

During one of the team training session at Amable, we went for a “photography walk”. We all choose one topic and we were looking for picture about that topic. I choose “blooming”. When I choose this topic the picture in mind was “a flower blooming”.

As I went for a walk, I saw a different picture of blooming

A dry leaf, blooming

A new and old leaf together in a branch – blooming together

People walking together laughing and blooming together

After this walk my definition of blooming changed. Thank you Nivi for bringing for this in training and introducing camera to learn.

Achieve nothing

I brought beads, paints, sticks, threads and wires for welcome. I also started doing with kids. All kids were busy making jewellery (they had results in head). I decided to explore beads in different ways – I began with exploration and ended up with a result in my hand.

I knew, I became desperate to produce something. I was anxious “stick should not break, something beautiful should come out, something which I can use now”.  As I realized, I laughed at myself and broke what  made and began with exploration. Kids who were also unconsciously watching my creation were surprised “you broke!!!”

I experienced myself.

 

The following is from this post http://www.dailygood.org/story/473/8-fearless-questions-margaret-wheatley/

 

 I think some of the prison bars that we have constructed for ourselves are our fear of losing our jobs. Our fear of not being liked.

"Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not, perhaps, results opposite to what you expect.

"As you get used to this idea of your work achieving nothing, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. And there, too, a great deal has to be gone through, as, gradually, you struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. The range tends to narrow down, but it gets much more real. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationships that saves everything."

What would it feel like to find our fearlessness with each other? For those relationships to be enough? For us to feel we would have made a significant contribution, and led a good life, just because we cared for, loved, consoled a few people? This is quite a frightening thought; to shift from saving the world to loving a few people? Doesn't seem like that will do it, does it?

Read more http://www.dailygood.org/story/473/8-fearless-questions-margaret-wheatley/

TV and Parenting conflict

Parenting and TV – I was also not away from this conflict in my life.

My daughter never showed extra interest in TV – I thought I was blessed and continue t o live without TV for few years.

My son showed extra interest in TV and I thought I have to play the role of parent and look into the issue J

Good news!!! My son and the conflict with TV brought a new learning material at home.

TV came inside the house with all his persistence and consistent behaviour. 

My daughter started showing the sing of interest in youtube movies and TV serials on the net..

It began with negotiations – only weekends, only one hour a day, only two hours a day and no it is unlimited…..

The journey has been beautiful.

His persistence to watch TV increased with my increased resistance to huge amount of time spent on TV.

My daughters love for movies and TV serial grew with my growing rejection for the same.

Conflict continued – we all accepted each other for what we think and feel!!!

One fine day, I decided to look into their world – they continued to talk and talk about every little show they watch, discussion on movie will continue to go on for hours with all kinds of detailed descriptions…………this led to my curiosity in the subject matter of TV and Movies.

I kept ME aside and

I started listening more to their detailed descriptions

I started taking more interest in what they shared “then what happened?”

I started arranging movies for them

I started going to watch movies with them in theatre

I started finding time so they could watch more TV and the same movie multiple times.

And EUREKA!!! I have started understanding “what is in TV and MOVIES”.

Through TV and movies

They talk about fun

They talk about life

They talk about dreams

They talk about people and relationship

They look at life not only TV and Movies.

I have no more conflicts – I see a SPACE for TV and MOVIES in my children’s life and love it.

Conflict and my relationship

What happens when two strong personalities meet – conflict!!!

Me and Ratnesh have our own thoughts on various aspects of life, learning and working. We fight a lot, we fight in public, we fight in private, we fight in front of kids, we fight in meetings, we fight after meetings,……………we fight for a small issue, we fight for bigger issues, we fight for days, we fight for few minutes.

And still we are in love with each other.

We are huge fans of each other.

We respect each other for what we are

And We enjoy each other

Yes!!! We are couple.

After fighting for 25yrs on various topics we both have discovered that we both are strong and intense in what we feel, do!!! And we both have come to a happy understanding “accept each other’s strong behaviour and not wish to change”:). Ratnesh says “I will continue to bug you and bug you more, I will continue to not listen to you, I will continue to work the way I have been working, I will continue to not care for you……………….” And you continue to keep demanding :).

The life after this realization is beautiful :). No more his actions feel bugging (including his 25yrs old sleepers), his behaviour no more seems to me “uncaring”. Everything looks normal, natural and acceptable. He is he and I Am me and that all!!!

When we have conflict, we respond in our own way  - he makes images about me, I make images about him………………we both talk, go in silence…………come back and talk more……………..What has changed is that those images no more bother us. It is all about acceptance without being judgemental about each other’s behaviour.

There were times in life when I wanted to divorce (almost once in a month) – It was a escaping mechanism for me. Runaway in the name of “you will never understand me”.  I can laugh at me now!!! Million times I must have told him “I am done with you and no more want to have any relationship with you”.

The trick was not in running away but to know myself. The journey of conflicts with Ratnesh has given me many hidden perspective about myself and I am happy to accept myself with all my negatives and positives – you know I am ME and that all.  It was challenging :)

My 14yr old daughter is doing research on “marriage and relationships” She shared “I read that if you do not fight, there is something wrong”. She is the one who have accepted us fighting :). 

She never wished for us to live in harmony. She says “its okay to fight”. She questioned me “Ma, its futile to wish that in community all will positive for each other, people will not fight. And your wish that community should have harmony is also futile – all new people will bring their own positive and negatives in the community, we have to just accept all”.

Yes I love CONFLICTS!!!  Yes so true what Asawari said “if you do not fight, there is something wrong”.

Did I fight with you TODAY!!!, If not, lets fight.

Did I demand from you TODAY!!! If not let me ask.

Did I say to you “you are horrible?”

Did I express “you hurt my emotions”?

Did I tell about you “you are very rigid and its difficult to talk to you”.

Did I share with you “you are operating from your beliefs”?

If yes!!! Then,  I am in love with you, I am your fan, I respect you.

If no!!! Then also,  I am in love with you, I am your fan, I respect you.

My little daughter

My little daughter, who is almost 15yrs now, came to me one day and asked “will you be Ok If I choose to do many many different kinds of work and move from one work to another till I find the passion. Currently I do not want to devote my life to one work, like I like dance/art/tarvel but do not want to spend all my energies into it or like you are completely devoted to Aarohi, I know I can devote, but I want to explore more before I decide to devote my life for one passion. If require will you financially support me?

We both smiled and she went away jumping

Asa is approaching her 15th  bday - conventionally the age to think about “10^th exams and the career”. And the thoughts are also triggered by enquiries “is Asawari giving 10^th exam, what about 10^th for her?”
She does not want to appear for 10^th exams now, as she sees no purpose of those exams and we too. She says I do not want to study hard, as I do not know why I need to give 10^th exams. I have lot of other things to do.  She wants to travel the world and then decide what she wants to do.
She is living her dream. She dreams to travel, gets excited to know about new places. Find more about them, decorating her dreams in her dreams. She is living fearlessly, she knows she is something today and will be something tomorrow and so we do.

• She loves dance and she dances well – but she does not want to become dancer
• She writes well and reads a lot but she does not want to become a write
• She loves working with kids and exhibits lot of facilitation skills 0 but she does not want to become go into education
• She has the skill to pick fine arts like painting etc – but she does not want to become painter.
• She has chosen TRAVEL to explore what she wants to do – Its exciting to know.

There was a time when we as parents decided “she will becomes dancer and artist” seeing her abilities in both. We engaged best of the artist and dancers in Bangalore to train her. And soon we realized what mistake we were doing.
After that we never interfered with her or decided for her  - Her travel plan was a pleasant surprise and a relief that “we are not taking her decisions” – We would have never thought about travel (as she never showed any obvious skills to travel” :)
She shared “I hated going to these classes, I am good in art/ dance but I do not want to devote my life for it. I liked writing but I did not want to tell you, I was afraid you will put me to any writing classes!!! But like a wise parent you too soon realized what mistake you were doing, I can share with you now!!!
Thank God, We have not done anything for travel, except enjoying with her!!!
At present she is involve in Kitchen and Accounts @ Aarohi. She plans to take kitchen project with complete handling of "community kitchen" @ Aarohi. She is not open to the idea of taking complete break from Aarohi's session and work only on these projects or any other project - as she feel that she still has to learn more through sessions. While she is excited and involved with making of kitchen, she does not want to do only that.

Asawari shares in her blog (below is a copy paste from her blog)

At  this point i don't think i can decide my future, I can only think about my present. My focus is to live my day with full fun and enrichment and not worry about tomorrow.

Each moment is precious, cherish it.

My future is in my hand and I will make it the way i want and i am confident that i am capable and i don't see a reason to worry or ponder about it now.

Sometimes I do think that if the world is doing so much of preparation for their future am i missing out something and will I regret my decision in future but i know I am not alone and my parents and friends are with me because they have faith in me and my decisions. I know all my decisions are my decisions and i accept them.

I have many interest in many things like Art, craft and other fine motor skills, Dancing and cooking. I love reading and working/playing with children (all ages). I love doing many things and i do it everyday but i don't see them as a career choice. I don't think i have that much interest that i can put all my devotion into it and cherish it. I find traveling the world around and meeting different people exciting and adventurous (even though I feel shy/nervous around new people). I find it something unusual.

I enjoy reading History, Culture ,knowing  about different kind of people and different places. When i read about a place, I want to go there, see the place, taste the food, feel the weather and experience the culture instead of just reading about it. At this point i want to travel the world but that doesn't mean my future is defined or my career choice is made. I am ready to experiment with my life, career and not get bound to something. I want to be free.

People ask what do you want to become when you grow up? I don't want to become somebody i want to be me. I don't want to constrain myself to one career. I want to explore different choices before constraining myself to one. I want to experience and then decide what i want to put my whole effort in. I am not certain about my future but i am 100% of my present and at this point that is enough for me.