Expected behaviour

The buzz word at home is “expected behaviour”.

Last Friday I expressed to dhup “I am upset and I am finding it difficult to work with you to make you understand expected behaviour”. I broke my promise to him that I will not get upset with him J

He asked “what is expected?”

I said “what you are suppose to do”.

He said I know. But I donot like discussion on what I have done wrong”

So now – no discussions, only asking “what is expected behaviour?” He explains and we move ahead. Like

• What is expected behaviour after you take bath? (put towel to dry, put cream etc etc).
• What is expected behaviour in Geniekids (while he was jumping across the chairs?)
• What is expected behaviour when ma-pa are doing the show. (in the middle of the khattah mitha he wanted to discuss about his night out).

He likes describing. He describes in detail “what is expected”. When he describes he does not need to say “I did this wrong, or did not follow, or I will do like this”. He just describes and does what he has missed (keep towel and put cream after bath).

Smile so they smile

In Kathnak class, while kids watch us, they remind us “smile, keep your elbow up……..’

Today while they were dancing I decided to look at them and smile. They started smiling back.

I was told “dance for the audience, if you smile they will smile. Enjoy dance, so audience will enjoy”

I thought “let me smile so the dancers smile, let me enjoy watching, so the dancer enjoy”.

The buzz word at home is “expected behaviour”.

On Friday shared with him “I am upset and I am finding it difficult to work with you to understand expected behaviour”. I broke my promise :)

He asked “what is expected?”

I said “what you are suppose to do”.

He said I know. But I donot like discussion on what I have done wrong”

Past two days – no discussion, only asking “what is expected behaviour?” He explains and we move ahead.

What is expected behaviour after you take bath ?
What is expected behaviour in Geniekids (while he was jumping across the chairs?)
What is expected behaviour when ma-pa are doing the show. (in the middle of the khattah mitha he wanted to discuss about his night out).

He likes describing. He describes in detail “what is expected”. When he describes he does not need to say “I did this wrong, or did not follow, or I will do like this”. He just describes and does what he has missed (keep towel and put cream after bath).

i enjoy listening :) He enjoys describing - win win.

Well, keeping it to minumum, use it only when it is require - reflecting on our own needs of behaviour. So using this buzz word with caution.

Empowerment

My current area of research -"Empowerment" (Am able). - Here I am sharing my running thoughts with some of the readings I have done on empowerment - the readings are not related to children at all - I am deriving my own views from the readings on empowerment. Open for discussion

A myth called empowerment - Many times when we talk about “empowerment” it is taken as

* Child can do anything – child has power/ authority to do anything. For example “If I want to play in sand here, while I am expected to be getting ready to reach in time” So let the child do whatever the child wants to do? Child is in control. CHild is empowered
... * I am an adult – I do not need to be told what to do, how to do – I am empowered.
* As a faculty/ parent I do not need to demand work, self discipline, commitment, efforts, class management, safety, etc etc from the child. The child is empowered

I start with this thought on “empowering”

“While children are natural learners, should we also not suggest that empowerment is not a blank cheque and brings with it a sense of responsibility to sustain good human values and citizenship” – author unknown.

“Empowerment is not giving people power, people already have plenty of power, in the wealth of their knowledge and motivation, to do their jobs magnificently. We define empowerment as letting this power out (Blanchard, K)."

Dhrupad came back from school at 4pm and wanted to play in sand area. The care givers had to clean the area, hence not allowing him to play. At 4 pm all kids are suppose to come inside and stay in library so care takers can clean the whole centre. He wanted to play – he knows that he is not suppose to play, but he wanted and he was thinking of various ways to play - go backside and till others objects etc etc. IS HE EMPOWERED?

It encourages people to gain the skills and knowledge that will allow them to overcome obstacles in life or work environment and ultimately, help them develop within themselves or in the society.

I had an interaction with him. At the end He told me “I will practice that I am seeing other’s point of view also”. He needs this re-inforcement at different places, in different forms.

Another myth - I spoke to the child once, I do not need to do it again, now the child should do it automitacilly. I should get the result without me doing more :)

On leanring - my journey

Asa was exposed to swimming since she was 1 and ½ years old. She finally learnt to swim while she was 12 yrs old. All thru the journey she enjoyed water, swimming, trying………………and got some techniques to learn from us (me and rat both swim decently) as and when she wanted. Dhup still splashes in the pool.

While I wanted to learn about children/ parenting/ learning I found many many resources to learn - people, books, google, peers, workshop – I learnt thru experience, sharing and exploring. I learnt a lot by interacting and sharing with other educators. I attended workshops and still attend workshops and learn from others. Books and real life experience (with kids, trainers and parents) are my major source of learning in this field.

So when a child wants to learn swimming or maths – child can decide HOW child wants to learn - you, me, books, peers, activities, exploring, experiencing, or by people directly. I take help of people as resource. The need is mine, the goal is mine – I learn in various ways and all ways are welcome in life learning.

When a child wants to learn about astronomy I can bring in many resources to explore – there are people who are ready to just share and give exposure to any learner – I have not found such openness in performing arts.

I have learnt bird watching, photography, sketching, computers, web content development, language of English, cooking, baking, painting, embroidery, knitting, swimming, car driving, tennis, stitching, publishing, ………….. Ratnesh have bigger list……..all by sharing, books, watching, trying, interacting and being with people who knows about it. I have also learnt the skills of yoga, counselling, play back theatre, jive and scuba diving in structured courses. There are things like singing and guitar which I started but left and did not learn. I started learning Kathak twice and left, again started 3 months back. So I learn in many different ways.

I learn because I like learning, I think I can learn, I think have the hang of that skill. I leave learning because I think I cannot learn or not my strength (singing and guitar).

Do Do

This has been question in my mind “how to facilitate Dhrupad?” At home I have tried many things.

My new trial

I approached him “I know you do not like discussions, so I am not doing any discussion with you. I am sharing my observation which I discussed with papa, correct me if my observation is wrong.”.

I started “I have observed a pattern

We forced you to try different food – Pizza is one of them , now you only want to eat pizza, pizaa, pizaa………………………….

We forced you to see “Laqshya, now you only want to see. Lakshya, Lakshya…………………

We forced you to see Jodha Akbar, now you only want to see JB. JB. JB. JB…………………………………

We forced you to meet Rahul byaa, now you only want to meet RB, RB, RB, RB……………………

We refused to read for you, you started reading, now you only want to read. Read, read………………….

When you want to see TV – you want to see see, see see see…………………….

At home you wish to only read read read or Tv Tv Tv or play play play

When you want to buy toy, you want yo buy buy buy…………..

By now he started laughing and said talk to me more I want to laugh more……………………

You did not want to go to Cobey we forced you, now you only want to go to Cobey , cobey. Cobey………………..

I continued “So things when they are new, you resist, even cry. If you like you want to do do do do again again again ……………and the cycle of resistance starts for other things. Like after Lagaan you did not want to see Lakshya, after Lakshya you did not want to see Jodha Akbar, after Jodha Akbar now you do not want to see next new movie”.

So we will continue to expose you to new things............... even if you resist. You can continue doing what you like, reject or try later what you do not like. At home no constraint on you to watch Tv or play video games or play but you will include doing new things in your daily routine.

We also have observed that for new things we have to sit with you, do with you, guide you, interact with you, try various things…………….so we will continue to be with you when you do new things for guidance. This one hour may be difficult for you, but we want to continue to do so – rest of the day is your choice.

He agreed, and he was still laughing.

We started thinking what you can do tomorrow – he started with resistance -" I do not want to do this, that". Finally we agree do writing from Maggi packet. Also informed him Wednesday activity on music, listen to music and draw the song or come with your idea, any idea which you do not like doing or you have not tried till now.

Also he does not like going for feedback, “I will try doing this things also as I am working on making my mind flexible”.

We had Aaawari’s feedback in the morning and we came up with the similar plan for

1. We expose to you to new things
2. You learn naturally with your pace.

So she too have decided to have this one hour a day where she will do things she does not like.

• Ratnesh has decided to do one hour of exercise – which he does not like to do
• I have decided to read one hour – which I do not like to do (keep it for the end).

Sept Outing At Rock Pond

Started with 6 families. 13 adults and 9 kids - ranging from 1.8yrs to 9yrs. Tr