Consequence

I have been experimenting with consequence and no consequence. I read a book by john holt also.

For me consequces are pre decided, decided at peace, both the parties are involved in making decisions, both the parties take responsibility of their behaviour.

Punishments are adults driven and based on their mood at that time hence unfair and inconsistence.

Earlier when we used to set consequence for Dhup, during the implementation I had emotions attached to it, some results were expected. The repeat behaviour was a torture for me. The consequences did not give me desired results, infact they became punishment for me. It did not help Dhup too.

I read in John Holt, one specific thing stuck in my mind, For some kids the conventional as well as alternate environment both are harmful.

Conventional for their rigidity and standardization

Alternative for its love and care

I worked on myself. I worked on keeping my emotions aside, I worked on my beliefs.  I started re-looking at consequences (without emotions and expectations of results)

Now still I work with consequences but I am “cool” with him, as Asa put it. I am not perturbed If he continues with his so called tantrums. I am internally also fine.

I say to myself “he is working on himself”.  As he said himself “Ma, I am working on myself, you have to try 1, 10 , million times”.

Life is at peace with my changed beliefs about consequences. I laugh, he laughs, we both laugh.  

The other day Asa and me told him “we would not like to have our control on you, but your response to certain situations is not responsible, you are not taking responsibility, hence we continue to have control on you.  As and when you are ready to take your freedom with responsibility, our control on you will reduce. Personally we do not like any kind of control on you”.

He said I am thinking and we left the conversation here.