- If you trouble mummy, I will leave you here
- Drink milk or else watchmen will come
- If you say a wrong answer you have to give me Rs 50/-
- If you write it wrong this time you have to stay here whole day and write
What does our words means to children? Once I told Dhup "If you are not ready to behave in Geniekids, stay at home". After realizing what my words did to him, It took a long time to build that trust back that I will not stop his going to Geniekids.
- While crossing a cycle shop, I just played with the peddle and the shop keeper shooed me from there (nothing overwhelming for adult's world) - for next 5 yrs - every time I crossed that shop, I used to shiver ( my own imagination - he will keep me inside his shop and not let me go). Inly used to go with my brother (my saviour).
- I used to go to wheat grinding shop (chakki) - once jokingly he told me "if you touch this weighing machine, I will weigh you and put in that chakki". I never visited the shop alone, I never touched his weighing machine, and every time I used to go with my mother I used to imagine what will come out of this If he puts me in".
You may like to read "Hidden Messages - what our words and actions are really telling our chidlren by Abeth Pantely".
8 comments:
How children perceive things are totally different the way we as adults look at them. The statement which we make as a jest is taken very seriously by the children. Once during family time, I joked and said that if you trouble me too much, I would take sanyas. At the time there was no response but later in a different situation, Varsha was upset and she told me,' Well! you said you would go for sanyas no..go now' :-))
It was there in her mind somewhere and it was troubling her.
I think words have to be weighed carefully before coming out. It can have lot of impact on children.
I am not totally convinced about this whole thing about weighing words before we say them to children - specially our children or any other children who we have a long term relationship.
To me its all about - how - as a whole - i come across to children (or to anybody). If i am respectful, empathetic and supportive - then individual statements will not matter.
Also if as a person i am genuine and accepting of the children then individual aberrations in my behavior will not matter.
I do not use threat or bribes with children.
I do joke with them in many ways.
But anyway it seems like a good idea to totally remove this kind of humour which can be perceived as a threat or in any other negative way by any child.
rat
I am questioning the "humour"?
How does one draw line between "joke and real threat".
SO in long term relationship I am free to tell you "If you continue to behave like this I will leave you" - I am just joking.
For me words does matter- no matter how you say? I can choose appropriate words to express - even if it is humour.
aap kahe to respect
others kahe to threat
kuch jama nahi
"anyone coming late for the meeting has to give party to others" - what if the person is alreday feeling guilty of coming late or sensitive for being late? How do I define humour or respect here? What do you gain with this humour?
what is the objective of humour?
I also gave dhamki of sorts recently...
My children when they are sitting in the the passenger seat when I am driving...sometimes don't use seat belt. They say with the school bag it is difficult...getting late etc..etc...So I told them If caught by the cops for not wearing seat-belt...they have to pay Rs.100 from their own pocket money(my dhamki:-). Now a days they remind each other to wear seat belt or their pocket money will go!
Just wondering aloud
We donot give such Dhamki's to kids when we take sessions in Geniekids. For every thought we think a lot :)
We discuss "how do I work with this child?"
But when it comes to our own kids, or sessions outside GK - we may be slipping in all other ways?
Wondering - what HOM we require?
Me thinks in both cases Rs10 and Rs5 - since they are so small an amount - is hardly a fine
rather they are like TOOLS (like the ones we use in success saturday) to make ourselves or others (daddy) aware
Obviously with our understanding of TOOLS - we can now design non monetary tools which can be AS EFFECTIVE.
by few cents (or few rupees)
Rat it is not about the amount it is about where is the locus of control
Rs 100/- fine for jumping the signal? This makes me aware that I jumped the signal and also some amt of embracement (depends on the person). I stop jumping for whom?
Where is the locus of control?
I impose on myself Rs 100/- fine – It is my tool for my awareness. For me this is locus of control inside.
It matters where is the fine coming from? So when you say “if you say wrong answer you may me Rs 50/-? You decide where you put the locus of control?
Tools as per my understanding are for self awareness not for others to make me aware or for correcting me – I guess then the whole concept of tool goes phut and the rope goes in teacher’s hand.
Post a Comment